Home/The Only Sunshine in a Toxic Novel/ch51

Episode 51. I Want to Touch You

Damian stared silently at my wound, then placed a finger on it and pressed down firmly.

"Ow!"

That hurts!

"Don't be foolishly self-deprecating."

His blue eyes held my gaze.

"It's true that I despised you. But that was my mistaken judgment."

"Mistaken judgment?"

"You're different from other nobles. The things I despise aren't people like you."

"…."

"They're the idiots who entered unfairly yet still think they're fair."

His finger settled on my wound again. This time, instead of pressing ruthlessly, he gently worked the ointment into the bruise.

"You didn't lose. I acknowledged it — that you're quite capable."

"Director."

"What."

"Unless you've hit your head, did you drink a lot?"

"Don't talk nonsense. I mean it too."

He closed the ointment cap and placed it directly in my hand.

"It's not borrowed — I got it by threatening the butler, so keep it."

"…."

"Even if my mother gets too persistent, understand. She knows the unfairness of status, so she wants to make her son, even if he's rich, a noble."

"I've never hated her. Not once."

She probably did.

Damian muttered sarcastically, as if he didn't believe me.

"Actually, I'm envious. Of Mrs. Carding's quiet, steadfast support."

"What?"

"It's so different from the Ohan Marquis, whom I don't even want to call father. If my father had supported me silently like Mrs. Carding, I wouldn't have left the family."

"…Then we wouldn't have met."

As he said, I wouldn't have met the Bendon Guild members, or Lapin.

"True. I wouldn't like that."

To have been strangers with Lapin.

Memories of our daily life flashed before my eyes like a lantern slide. He would listen to my complaints, and when I couldn't sleep, he'd walk around the territory with me. When I shivered from the cold, he'd take off his coat and give it to me.

'I wore it backwards back then too.'

Seeing that, Lapin had laughed and said my back must be cold, so he'd bring a bigger coat next time.

And the next day, he really did bring a ridiculously large coat, making me laugh.

'Lapin.'

What if he had come to the party with me?

I could picture him never leaving my side for a moment. Before any other man could ask me to dance, he'd have taken my hand and led me to the floor.

"Hmph!"

Just then, Damian cleared his throat.

"…I need to go get my mother."

He was already turning away. Was he sensitive to the cold? His ears were already bright red.

"I need to take her home quickly. Stay here — I'll be right back."

I'm cold too. Let's go together.

"Wait—"

Thud.

Damian went inside without taking his coat. Always thinking of himself.

If I went in too and we missed each other, it would be a disaster.

'He'll be back soon.'

I leaned against the terrace railing. The drizzle was finally stopping, with almost no raindrops falling.

'Lapin hasn't replied yet, has he?'

Suddenly, something darted quickly through the dark forest. Judging by the size of the shadow and the rustling leaves, it was no small animal. A chill ran down my spine, and I straightened up.

'A beast? Or a monster?'

Or maybe a person.

A familiar air from the forest touched my bare skin. This was—

"…Lapin?"

---

Lapin held his breath. He'd had a suspicion, and the woman leaning against the railing was indeed Lucy.

Her blonde hair, falling to her waist, caught the party lights and shimmered. The dress flowing like molten gold suited her so perfectly that his heart nearly stopped the moment he saw her.

'I want to go to her.'

I want to touch her. I want to kiss her.

Lapin stared entranced, then recalled that Lucy had attended the party with the director. Just as Jamie had warned, Lucy, graceful as an angel, had become Damian's partner.

He'd found this out about a day ago. The day he received Damian's letter, he had ridden through the pounding rain all day. Even at top speed, his anxiety grew. Tulda was important, but Lucy's safety came first.

Even during the hazy day, it was like riding through darkness. He pulled the reins, replaying the letter's contents over and over. Could he really trust the words telling him not to worry?

What was certain was that Lucy was face-to-face with Tulda. That alone was reason enough to break his punishment and return to the territory.

He rode nonstop for a full day to reach the guild.

The guild was bustling as usual. Despite the peaceful energy, Lapin's anxious heart didn't settle.

"Lapin?"

As he headed for the main building, Jamie called out to him first.

"What? Why are you here? Didn't you get the director's letter saying I was coming to you? And what happened — did you roll around in the mud? You look terrible."

Ignoring Jamie's mockery, Lapin headed for the main building.

"Hey, if you're looking for Lucy, she left a long time ago."

"…What?"

"She attended a party at the director's request. So I've been in a bad mood all day too— Hey! Where are you going!"

Lapin's heart pounded violently. First Tulda, now Damian.

'At least it means she's safe… damn!'

His heart sank.

Even without saying anything, he'd always been bothered by Damian being next to Lucy. The fact that they were in the same space, bickering with each other — every little thing made him jealous.

Whenever he'd quietly ask, "You two seem close, don't you?" Lucy would bad-mouth Damian, but her tone never carried hatred or contempt.

That made him even more anxious.

He wanted to monopolize even her dislike and anger — his impatience grew that intense. To be precise, he wanted to tuck her away in his pocket so no one else could even glance at her.

Lapin pulled an energetic horse from the stable.

'The west. Far away.'

He hadn't told Lucy, but he hadn't removed the tracking spell he'd placed on her during the Obum tribe expedition. The location he sensed was far from Tulda territory. Thinking of Lucy in such a remote place with Damian made his mouth go dry.

Relief and rage — these conflicting emotions tormented him.

And so he came to the party, and he found Lucy.

Lucy in a dress he'd never seen her wear.

"…."

He wanted to touch her, but he couldn't.

Lapin clenched his fist.

It was always like this.

She was bright and kind not just to him, but to everyone — she wasn't someone anyone could claim for themselves.

In contrast, he was a coward who, not content with her grace, greedily craved more of her sweet words.

When Lucy was beside him, he felt at peace, but equally afraid she might leave. How long could Lucy continue to comfort him…?

She was too talented and bright to be the guardian of such a pitiful, unimpressive man. Now that he'd confirmed she was safe, there was only one thing left to do.

Kill Tulda.

He'd been planning it ever since he'd encountered them by chance. He wanted to cut their throats, escape his fugitive status, and free Lucy, who had ended up in the same situation because of him.

Cutting their throats would be easy. If he did it well, it would be over quickly. Then his revenge would be complete, and he'd have nothing to fear.

But after that…?

'What if Lucy despises me?'

The truth was, Lapin was scared. He felt lost — both about taking revenge on Tulda and about what came after. Even knowing he was strong enough, his mind screamed to go to their stronghold, but his body wouldn't move.

He couldn't breathe.

He didn't want to do it.

An indescribable fear crushed him.

"…."

A rustling sound came from behind.

Lapin's pupils trembled. Heavy with resolve, he'd turned his back — then looked straight ahead.

There stood a woman, like light breaking through his gray world. A soft glow rippled through his deep red eyes.

The fear that had constricted his heart and throat melted away, as if cured by a panacea.

Her sweet scent, her light footsteps — the woman who had taken his trembling hand four years ago.

"Lucy…."

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