Home/I Thought I Was the Main Character/ch162

"Why won't you come back?"

His voice made it clear he didn't like my decision.

"I told you before I came."

"About preparing to inherit the territory?"

"Yeah."

"Count Samuel lives in the capital too."

'…Sharp, isn't he?'

It was true. My father didn't live in the territory either; he only came down occasionally for inspections.

I could feel Lucci's gaze telling me not to make excuses.

"There's something more important than that."

"What is it?"

"I need to find a husband."

"!"

Shock spread across Lucci's face. His expression asked why I would say such a thing.

I was the one who didn't understand why Lucci kept pretending not to know.

"I told you I had a marriage interview earlier. Didn't you come here knowing that?"

I knew Lucci had been avoiding saying it directly. But at this point, I had no choice but to address it.

Lucci gasped urgently, frozen, not even blinking. If not for his trembling pupils, he could have been mistaken for a statue.

"……Did you like that man?"

Lucci finally spoke slowly. His voice was heavy, completely subdued.

'What business is it of yours what I do in my personal life?'

A strange feeling kept rising. I opened my mouth at Lucci's sharpening gaze.

"He wasn't bad."

Lucci's eyes widened. He immediately became serious.

"Just 'not bad' isn't enough."

'He sounds like my father.'

Still, the fact that he didn't say 'no one else' suggested he wouldn't try to sabotage my marriage interviews like Damian did.

That made it even clearer.

'It really was my delusion.'

So obvious, yet…

'I guess when you're focused on one thing, you can't see anything else.'

The shame and sorrow of that rejection day surged up simultaneously, choking me, but I managed to control my expression.

"Lucci, I just met him. How can I judge him right away?"

"He's already not the one."

Did he know how absurdly unreasonable that was? I stared at him intently, but his expression didn't waver.

"I'm going to see him again, so I'll handle it myself."

"Why would you see him again?"

His urgent tone must have been my imagination.

"I need to keep getting to know him and see how good he is."

Lucci's lips pressed tightly together. His expression showed he had much to say but was holding back.

Then he blurted out,

"No."

"What?"

"Don't see that man again."

Lucci's resolute gaze left me speechless. And what followed was even more absurd.

"Let's go back to the capital together."

He seemed determined to take me away immediately. Lucci appeared to be swept away by emotion, unable to think rationally.

"We can think about everything once we're back in the capital!"

Lucci's shout made my mood sink. This was beyond unreasonable; I had no choice but to become serious.

"Lucci. Do you realize you're acting like a child throwing a tantrum?"

At my rebuke, Lucci's body flinched. As if finally realizing what he was doing, he bit his lower lip.

For some reason, Lucci seemed to struggle greatly to choose his words. I coolly watched him, his gaze somehow accusatory.

"You know I can't give in to that kind of unreasonable demand."

As we looked at each other silently, Lucci's eyes flashed frighteningly.

'What's with that look?'

Before I could even form the question, Lucci's expression crumbled. Perhaps he realized his tantrum wasn't working, because his complexion rapidly worsened.

"Espin, I, I…"

His voice had become thick, full of unshed tears. Seeing his face slowly turn pale made my chest feel tight.

'Why again…'

Lucci only ever showed this raw expression in front of me. As he grew older, he even tried to hide it from me, but still, I was the only one he revealed his emotions to.

If he had just thrown a tantrum like before, I could have firmly ignored him, but he looked so fragile.

I was weak to this side of Lucci. Having known him since we were so young, I could instantly tell how desperate he felt right now.

I couldn't ignore him like this.

In the end, I reached out to him. The moment my hand touched the back of his, he flinched and looked at me with wavering eyes.

His pitiful gaze looked at me earnestly. I patted the back of his hand comfortingly.

"I know you're confused."

Lucci pressed his lips tightly together and grabbed my fingertips. His grip felt desperately strong. I looked down at his hand for a moment, then calmly spoke.

"It feels like a lot has changed, doesn't it?"

As if confirming I was right, Lucci squeezed my fingertips again. It was this childish side of him that made me unable to abandon Lucci.

'Growing older doesn't necessarily make you more mature.'

Even adults get lonely, and there are times when they become fragile. When things are hard, people waver.

Lucci had no one but me to confide this weakness in. Having met him when he was so young, especially when he was struggling, I had no choice but to embrace him.

But it seemed that was a mistake. I smiled as gently as possible and pushed his hand away.

Knowing his gaze trembled as he looked at me, I still shook off his hand.

"It's okay. You'll get used to it soon."

"Get used to what?"

"A proper distance."

Lucci's pupils shook violently.

"Lucci, I've been telling you from the beginning. I'm not cutting ties with you."

"If this isn't cutting ties, what is?"

"I just told you, maintaining a proper distance."

"I don't need that kind of distance."

Damian was the same; Lucci also seemed to hate the feeling of growing apart.

Just me leaving the capital, just me having new people by my side, made Lucci feel hurt.

Come to think of it, this was probably the first time Lucci had experienced distance from a friend. We had always been so close.

Of course, we lived our own lives, but we remained in the same small world where we could meet anytime.

Having lived a modern life, I naturally learned how to part ways.

From childhood, you go to school and naturally make friends in your class. You spend almost all your time together, becoming best friends.

At that time, those friends feel like your whole world, just like me and Lucci.

But after a year, when you advance to the next grade, you often end up in different classes from your friends.

Then you make new friends. You naturally realize that your 'first best friend' isn't your only friend. And that happens every year.

As more time passes, you might advance to higher education institutions and even attend different schools entirely. You naturally make new friends, join new groups, and learn that your current friends aren't your whole world.

I'm used to this, but for Lucci, there was only me.

'Harrison doesn't quite count as a friend…'

Anyway, unlike me, who learned over the years to gradually create distance, Lucci never had that experience.

From the beginning until now, there was only me, which is why he's so obsessed.

He just absolutely hates the idea of growing apart.

"It's just because it's your first time."

"I don't need this kind of first time."

Lucci retorted before I could even finish.

"I'm saying it's only uncomfortable right now."

"That's not true."

"Yes, with time, it'll be fine."

"I said that's not true."

Lucci denied everything I said. It felt like talking to a wall. Getting tired, I decided to just placate him.

"Lucci, don't worry. I'll always be by your side forever."

Having just talked about creating distance, my saying I'd be with him forever seemed to confuse him slightly.

He blinked slowly, then the corners of his mouth formed a strange curve. Seeing him start to look happy, I thought he might be misunderstanding, so I had to clarify further.

"Just because I'm far away, just because I marry someone else, doesn't mean I'm cutting ties. We're friends, aren't we?"

It was a declaration that my decision wouldn't change. Lucci, stiff, glared at me. His reaction showed he didn't understand why I was being stubborn.

I thought I was being nice, trying to persuade him, but Lucci's attitude was exhausting.

"If you're struggling, I'll come visit. So…"

"I don't want to be friends anymore."

I couldn't even finish saying 'let's stop this tug-of-war' at Lucci's firm declaration.

"What?"

"I can't do it anymore!"

As if he could no longer bear it, Lucci poured it out. Erasing his fragile appearance and pleading attitude, Lucci spoke arrogantly. Just because things weren't going his way now…

'Is he declaring we're breaking up?'

I was dumbfounded. I couldn't breathe, I was so stunned. I try to soothe him with good intentions, and he says something like this?

After being rejected, I gritted my teeth and treated Lucci as if nothing was wrong. Suppressing my embarrassment, I tried my best to be there for him as a friend, just as he wanted.

And now, just because things aren't going his way, he says this?

"Should I take that as a declaration that you don't want to see me again?"

When I faced him coldly as well, Lucci let out a hollow laugh.

"I knew this would happen."

'Who are you to be dumbfounded right now!'

"I have nothing more to say."

Not wanting to deal with him anymore, I abruptly stood up. I strode quickly to leave this place.

I never expected Lucci to act like this. It felt like an even greater betrayal than when I was rejected. It felt like the trust we'd built over the years was crumbling.

Just as I grabbed the doorknob to open it, Lucci, who had followed me, closed the door.

"What are you doing?"

"If it's going to be a disaster either way, I might as well do everything I can."

What more could he possibly do here? I was glaring at him, dumbfounded, when,

"I absolutely cannot stand watching you marry someone else."

His continued unreasonableness only annoyed me.

"Stop it. I'm not going to care about you anymore…"

"I can't stand you leaving my side either."

"……"

Only then did I sense something strange in his words. Finally, Lucci's expression registered with me.

A look that still held hesitation, yet showed he couldn't bear not to speak.

"I like you."

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